Long term lurker for the pretty pictures, rarely post.
I actually feel quite stupid and duped. Or maybe I was just to trustworthy.
I've been with a guy for 13 years now. We've moved halfway across the country (for my job) together twice now. Over time, we slowly lost the "spark," and our sex life has fallen to nil, and now I know why.
I've found out over the past year that he has been cheating on me, and I feel duped. It was actually someone he brought home for weekend stays under false pretenses, and I was too stupid to see what was going on. I cheerfully bought into the backstory because I trusted my partner, and until now he's been a great guy, and I had no reason to believe the relationship was anything but platonic.
Over time, things started to not add up--the way they acted towards each other, lube missing from its usual spot, last minute "business trips." This weekend, they are supposedly off visiting his family for Thanksgiving...the pretense is that the other guy's family is too messed up (which may be entirely true, but I cannot verify). My partner made the mistake of leaving his computer open and logged in to email.
Yes, I snooped. However, in 13 years, I have never ever looked in so much as his browser history. He cleaned his inbox pretty well, but failed to clean his outbox. In there, I found a lot of drama...emails about the other guy cheating on my partner (the irony), love letters documenting a very tumultuous relationship, angry emails lining up with things that I knew had happened around the same time (a smashed cell phone).
And yet, for some reason I am remarkably non-emotional about this. I have no appetite, and I can't sleep, but I just feel numb. I feel mad at myself for not being a better partner. I feel mad at myself for being stupid enough to let this happen literally under me (they were in the basement).
the next step is clearly to try to talk about it...I'm not sure how it's going to go, or if there's anything to salvage, or even if this is at all worth salvaging.
I actually feel quite stupid and duped. Or maybe I was just to trustworthy.
I've been with a guy for 13 years now. We've moved halfway across the country (for my job) together twice now. Over time, we slowly lost the "spark," and our sex life has fallen to nil, and now I know why.
I've found out over the past year that he has been cheating on me, and I feel duped. It was actually someone he brought home for weekend stays under false pretenses, and I was too stupid to see what was going on. I cheerfully bought into the backstory because I trusted my partner, and until now he's been a great guy, and I had no reason to believe the relationship was anything but platonic.
Over time, things started to not add up--the way they acted towards each other, lube missing from its usual spot, last minute "business trips." This weekend, they are supposedly off visiting his family for Thanksgiving...the pretense is that the other guy's family is too messed up (which may be entirely true, but I cannot verify). My partner made the mistake of leaving his computer open and logged in to email.
Yes, I snooped. However, in 13 years, I have never ever looked in so much as his browser history. He cleaned his inbox pretty well, but failed to clean his outbox. In there, I found a lot of drama...emails about the other guy cheating on my partner (the irony), love letters documenting a very tumultuous relationship, angry emails lining up with things that I knew had happened around the same time (a smashed cell phone).
And yet, for some reason I am remarkably non-emotional about this. I have no appetite, and I can't sleep, but I just feel numb. I feel mad at myself for not being a better partner. I feel mad at myself for being stupid enough to let this happen literally under me (they were in the basement).
the next step is clearly to try to talk about it...I'm not sure how it's going to go, or if there's anything to salvage, or even if this is at all worth salvaging.
