Hey guys,
I managed to finally come out to my dad a few days ago, I couldn't muster up the courage to do it face to face so I decided to do it over email. In addition I don't feel like we have a particularly good relationship, he knows next to nothing about me, my beliefs, interests etc.
Anyway, in this email I also highlighted some issues I had with him that I would have liked him to address because I felt like it was pushing me away or alienating me. It was simply things like the way he spoke to me on certain subjects, how I felt he hadn't been very supportive of me over the last few years in the decisions I've been making and obviously the matter of me being gay.
He addressed my being gay by saying he had an idea from when I was very young, that he appreciated me telling him but I had no reason to hide it. I was happy with this, but I wanted him to know that I felt I couldn't tell him as I'm desperately trying to improve our relationship. I explained how when I was younger he would use gay in a derogatory manner and that it affected me more than anyone telling me that or using gay that way, I went to a Catholic school so it was a regular part of my life. I felt like I needed to know why, especially if he knew I was gay.
As to the other subjects, he replied very negatively saying I was attacking him as a person and as a father, continuing to call me deluded, saying that all of these problems were in my head that I was being vindictive and the emails I was sending were a relentless attack.
I kept trying to appeal to him, saying I was merely highlighting some issues I had with him in an effort to repair and strengthen our relationship. He highlighted some things he wasn't happy with me about, and I apologised for many of them.
He has yet to apologise for anything to me, and he even called me a victim. I'm not sure, does it sound like I'm playing the victim a bit? I feel like maybe I am holding some stuff up but all I want is a simple apology so I can move on. Particularly the gay part, my father was a large part of what made me miserable when I was in the closet despite the fact that I know he didn't do it on purpose, the fact that he had an idea I was gay just hurts.
Normally I'm pretty sure of myself and would stick to my guns, but I'm going to university and I need his money to pay for it. Is it worth sucking it up and forgetting it for money, baring in mind that I would probably still have these issues on my mind or do I follow through with my convictions and demand he apologise out of respect for me? I'm so stuck on what to do and I hate that money is part of the problem. I'm upset, confused, a little angry, I guess I don't know whether to follow my head or my heart. Any advice? Has anyone been in a similar situation?
I managed to finally come out to my dad a few days ago, I couldn't muster up the courage to do it face to face so I decided to do it over email. In addition I don't feel like we have a particularly good relationship, he knows next to nothing about me, my beliefs, interests etc.
Anyway, in this email I also highlighted some issues I had with him that I would have liked him to address because I felt like it was pushing me away or alienating me. It was simply things like the way he spoke to me on certain subjects, how I felt he hadn't been very supportive of me over the last few years in the decisions I've been making and obviously the matter of me being gay.
He addressed my being gay by saying he had an idea from when I was very young, that he appreciated me telling him but I had no reason to hide it. I was happy with this, but I wanted him to know that I felt I couldn't tell him as I'm desperately trying to improve our relationship. I explained how when I was younger he would use gay in a derogatory manner and that it affected me more than anyone telling me that or using gay that way, I went to a Catholic school so it was a regular part of my life. I felt like I needed to know why, especially if he knew I was gay.
As to the other subjects, he replied very negatively saying I was attacking him as a person and as a father, continuing to call me deluded, saying that all of these problems were in my head that I was being vindictive and the emails I was sending were a relentless attack.
I kept trying to appeal to him, saying I was merely highlighting some issues I had with him in an effort to repair and strengthen our relationship. He highlighted some things he wasn't happy with me about, and I apologised for many of them.
He has yet to apologise for anything to me, and he even called me a victim. I'm not sure, does it sound like I'm playing the victim a bit? I feel like maybe I am holding some stuff up but all I want is a simple apology so I can move on. Particularly the gay part, my father was a large part of what made me miserable when I was in the closet despite the fact that I know he didn't do it on purpose, the fact that he had an idea I was gay just hurts.
Normally I'm pretty sure of myself and would stick to my guns, but I'm going to university and I need his money to pay for it. Is it worth sucking it up and forgetting it for money, baring in mind that I would probably still have these issues on my mind or do I follow through with my convictions and demand he apologise out of respect for me? I'm so stuck on what to do and I hate that money is part of the problem. I'm upset, confused, a little angry, I guess I don't know whether to follow my head or my heart. Any advice? Has anyone been in a similar situation?