I debated making this thread since it's embarrassing but I know a few other guys in NYC (or other big cities) running into this frustrating issue. I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me or something since I'm finding it hard to get past first dates or even form a social group.... :?
I'm getting dates which is good but can't seem to get past the first date; this has been a pattern for the past year or so with about 7 or 8 first dates. A few of which went really well, I thought and had me swooning afterwards. I do what should be done on first dates and follow up a day or so afterwards with a "I had a good time, let's get together again soon". Yet no replies back. One half hearted offer to be friends but no follow up from him either when I offered to hangout. I wondered if it was maybe a factor of "how" I was getting dates that was the problem but I've been meeting guys online and off (at bars and meetups). There's something I must be doing or not doing for no one to follow up, kind of loosing my confidence and hope in finding someone who wants to get for a second date now.
I'm not a fan of hookups since it's a distraction from what I'm after but I'm wondering if I should resign myself to hoping a hookup will turn into something more, I'd be fine with that since the few times I do cave into it that the guys are my type and good looking but both those things makes it worse since I'd much rather date them then just hookup with them. Most times the chemistry is right, the sex is really great but the few hookups are also never to be seen again... And it leaves me with a feeling like I'm cursed or something.
The other thing that makes me worry is just making friends which strangely seems harder than getting dates. I've met a lot of people and have made casual friends but no one is really "sticking" there's a pattern I've noticed in the 5 years I've been living here which is cycling through a few situational friends instead of forming real friendships. There are flakey people out there but there's another side to the equation I might be overlooking. Is it something about me maybe I'm not aware of while hanging out with these guys?
Maybe I'm coming off as boring? I just try to be myself and relaxed, maybe I'm coming off as a little too relaxed maybe and it's being interpreted as indifference or boredom. IDK, I will admit I can be shy and somewhat socially awkward which are unfortunately mistaken for other things, when I meet someone new but after 30 mins or so I warm up and become more talkative. I actually like to dive past small talk and speak about deeper subjects actually when I'm comfortable. NYC is a city full of a lot of lonely people looking for social connections, especially with a constant influx of newcomers, yet I realize not everyone's going to like you of course but it's like I have Leprosy or something at this point.
Embarrassing and frustrating especially since a solid social network is good for networking for everything from dating, job hunting to roommate hunting... all of which I'm currently stumbling around with. :##: #-o
I'm getting dates which is good but can't seem to get past the first date; this has been a pattern for the past year or so with about 7 or 8 first dates. A few of which went really well, I thought and had me swooning afterwards. I do what should be done on first dates and follow up a day or so afterwards with a "I had a good time, let's get together again soon". Yet no replies back. One half hearted offer to be friends but no follow up from him either when I offered to hangout. I wondered if it was maybe a factor of "how" I was getting dates that was the problem but I've been meeting guys online and off (at bars and meetups). There's something I must be doing or not doing for no one to follow up, kind of loosing my confidence and hope in finding someone who wants to get for a second date now.
I'm not a fan of hookups since it's a distraction from what I'm after but I'm wondering if I should resign myself to hoping a hookup will turn into something more, I'd be fine with that since the few times I do cave into it that the guys are my type and good looking but both those things makes it worse since I'd much rather date them then just hookup with them. Most times the chemistry is right, the sex is really great but the few hookups are also never to be seen again... And it leaves me with a feeling like I'm cursed or something.
The other thing that makes me worry is just making friends which strangely seems harder than getting dates. I've met a lot of people and have made casual friends but no one is really "sticking" there's a pattern I've noticed in the 5 years I've been living here which is cycling through a few situational friends instead of forming real friendships. There are flakey people out there but there's another side to the equation I might be overlooking. Is it something about me maybe I'm not aware of while hanging out with these guys?
Maybe I'm coming off as boring? I just try to be myself and relaxed, maybe I'm coming off as a little too relaxed maybe and it's being interpreted as indifference or boredom. IDK, I will admit I can be shy and somewhat socially awkward which are unfortunately mistaken for other things, when I meet someone new but after 30 mins or so I warm up and become more talkative. I actually like to dive past small talk and speak about deeper subjects actually when I'm comfortable. NYC is a city full of a lot of lonely people looking for social connections, especially with a constant influx of newcomers, yet I realize not everyone's going to like you of course but it's like I have Leprosy or something at this point.
Embarrassing and frustrating especially since a solid social network is good for networking for everything from dating, job hunting to roommate hunting... all of which I'm currently stumbling around with. :##: #-o